Today is Luna Mango’s fourth birthday!

I cannot believe how much a tiny, little kitty has changed my life.  She is the sweetest little girl, just like her sister was.

It is also very bittersweet; our sweetest puppy will celebrate her sister’s and all the rest of her birthdays in Heaven.

Looking through the stages of grief since losing Sarah does not comfort me.  How long is it “acceptable” to be in this stage of grief?  Almost all events and thoughts still knock me down to my broken heart.  The feeling of guilt is ever so present: feeling guilty for living when she is not on this Earth, sending in an application to adopt a puppy, and now Luna celebrating her 4th birthday without her best friend and sister.

How is it still so difficult to be happy?  How long will I feel like I am crumbling and paralyzed by her absence?  How long will I have to wait until I can see her again?

Last night, Sarah graced my dreams.  She came up to me so I could put her leash on, and then I just held and hugged her.  When I awoke this morning, I immediately went back to this dream and wish I could sleep and dream of her touch all day.  I never knew how much her absence would completely floor me.  She was supposed to be here when I got pregnant, when we had little ones running around, and when we celebrate birthdays.

The impact of her leaving this Earth is beyond me.  Birth and death are so powerful, yet so divine.  We did our very best to care for her, but it was completely out of our control.  God had different plans for our angel puppy, and I have to faithfully trust His will.

So Luna Mango celebrates her 4th birthday today, without any siblings.  She knows.  I pray she never forgets her precious sister and always enjoys being apart of our little family.  I hope that this year she is happy, healthy, and welcoming to a new puppy.  She is our glue right now, a gift from God, and so so loved.

 

Happy birthday sweetest Luna Mango, from us and your perfect sister, Sarah Belle…

 

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