So many things are happening and quickly. In my life and in the world. Everything has happened, is happening, and will happen for a reason, every little and big thing…
John and I got engaged November 14, 2014, (a story I will share another day. It’s magical!) and I feel like I was swept in a whirlwind. A big mess of love, excitement, frustrations, disappointments, more decisions than I care to think about, celebrating, and anxiety took over about 17 months of my life.
When we first got engaged, I remember strolling the streets of Florence in a state of bliss. I was with the love of my life, in my favorite city in the world, and was promised a life of full of love and happiness. I did not want to think of a wedding or any frivolous details just yet. I was thinking, “I’m only engaged my soulmate once. I want to truly enjoy every moment along the way.”
And then we shared our big news.
John knows how much I love the fall and the spring. He proposed at a time that we could plan for a wedding during either. Being proud University of Alabama graduates, we would not dare plan a wedding on a day that Bama was playing. The only week off was Halloween, and it just did not feel right. I am from Louisiana and if you know any LSU fans, going to a wedding on a game day is not an option. We ended up, after a lot of searching, deciding on an outdoor venue in my mother’s hometown in the spring of 2016. Everything seemed perfect!
During those 17 months of planning, I completed Yoga Teacher Training and began teaching regular yoga classes. I quit working for one family and started back part-time with my Nashville family. My mom, John, and I collected dreamcatchers for decorations from lots of friends and family; we even made some too. My mom and I collected vases, candle holders, and doilies for over a year. Everything was sentimental and served a purpose. She was a great wedding planner and completely understood my vision for a colorful celebration of marriage. Wedding planning was on our minds 24/7. I had more nightmares than I can count about something falling apart. My entire body broke out in an (allergic) reaction multiple times from stress that I did not have time to acknowledge.
The point is, I did not slow down. Multi-tasking was the only way to get things accomplished. Then our wedding arrived April 30 and flew right on by. That was it. So fast. Everything is still so fresh and clear, but also such a blur. We saw so many of our closest friends and family, met new friends, and tried to stay present in each wisp of a moment. Overwhelming. Beautiful. Everything.
The honeymoon was a true blessing! I LOVE love love love the beach and the ocean. I love being warm and being in the water. My extremely sensitive skin healed in the turquoise waters of the Caribbean. No worries, no pressure, no problems. We enjoyed each other’s presence. We were not apart from one another for more than a few minutes. Some days we did nothing. I cannot tell you the last time I could afford to do literally nothing. It was such a gift. Every time I go to the beach, or to the mountains, I feel a new sense of liveliness. I remember to enjoy the simple things again. Fresh air. To praise God for all the magnificent Earth and remember how small I truly am in this Universe. But He still is always with me, always caring for me, protecting me, and loving me. I think we all need time in nature to connect/reconnect with the Spirit.
Now I return to life and try to live normally. But everything feels different. Something has changed. I have changed. I have been moved. I have so much more love inside me than I can even comprehend. I don’t even want think about trying to do two things at once. I can only give my full undivided attention to one person, thing, or action at a time. By moving slow, I am calmer. More open. My heart and mind are surrendering to something so much bigger than earthly things. I am trusting like I haven’t known before. I am loving like I haven’t known before.
God had us in his hands during this whole time, and I cannot give enough thanks. The chance of rain for our outdoor ceremony was 70%+ at the beginning of the week, and the day of our wedding – not a cloud in the majestic blue sky. I stopped checking my weather app and listening to people several days before the weekend. I kept praying, “Your will be done. Not mine.” Once I completely gave it to Him and trusted that He would take care of us, I was not worried. He knows my heart and knew how important the ceremony was to John and me (Don’t get my started how weddings have turned into “events” with “themes” when the union of two lives should be the whole theme… another vent for another day), and not as much about the indoor reception. I wanted our vows and promises to God and each other be the core of it all. And everything happened just as it should.
We were nervous about the Zika virus being in the Caribbean, and knowing my weak immune system, I would’ve gotten the most intense stage of the illness. Our second resort was in the middle of the jungle, so we extended our stay at our first location for the remainder of our vacation. It was also supposed to rain five of the ten days we were on the island. It sprinkled maybe twice and only rained on the day we left, when the island cried because we were departing. We came home, tanned, relaxed, and no mosquito bites. Trust.
Trust is something I have issues with from time to time. I have always felt like I can’t trust people. I will get hurt, forgotten, heartbroken, disappointed, left alone, or shunned if I trust someone too much. My family and friends are wonderfully made and love me more than I deserve, but they are human. They will fail me from time to time, big or small.
God never fails. He completely understands what I am feeling before I can even process it. Recently, when I completely trusted God, I was blessed beyond what I asked.
Learning to completely trust that everything is taken care of is a hard task. But if I do the best that I can, love as much as I can, pray for/help others, God will take care of the rest. When I fully and undoubtedly trust in someone bigger than myself, my world swirls with beauty, love, joy, peace, serenity, and everything that heals.
Thank you God for being more trustworthy and loving than humanly possible!