On any given day, I will have breastmilk spilled on me. And a boob out. Maybe both. Sometimes I forget…
I may also forget I have to pee because I can’t set him down. Or I put him in a wrap, and we go together.
There isn’t much time to answer texts or have a conversation on the phone. When I do something or even consider a task, he suddenly needs me.
The laundry is a mess.
My hair probably isn’t washed because I can’t lay the baby down without him crying for me.
My legs haven’t been shaved since the middle of pregnancy. That would require a longer shower. I might not get to brush my teeth until 2pm (like today) or change out of my pajamas all day.
I dream of downward facing dog. My body, mind, and soul need yoga, but he usually doesn’t let it happen. If it does, my practice is 10 minutes… if I’m lucky.
Errands? If they can be done within 10 minutes. And if I have plenty of chances to pull over in case he’s crying. There are times he sleeps in his car seat, I get overly ambitious, and make one too many trips. He gets upset, and I pull over in a parking lot to feed him.
I’m thankful I have a husband because I doubt I’d eat dinner, let alone a healthy one, without him. There’s no way I can cook with a small baby who needs me at every moment.
Sleep? Oh, I only get a little. Baby sleeps in the bed with me. And people say not to do that. Well… one battle at a time. He won’t sleep anywhere else for more than a few minutes… except on my chest. He’ll sleep there for an hour. People say to rest when he rests. That doesn’t happen, again, because he lying on me.
Our sheets are peed on and have breastmilk on them every other day. And I can’t keep up with changing them or washing others.
We aim for 20 minutes of tummy time on his play mat, but he doesn’t love it and cries. So I pick him up and allow him to finish his time lying on me. He picks his head up and holds it extremely well, so no worries with his neck strength. However I feel like I’m not giving him the “proper” exercise.
As soon as I change a wet diaper, I turn around to a poopy one. And I don’t mind because I’m so relieved he is pooping regularly.
I’m finally learning what his cries mean, but sometimes he cries and I cannot figure out what he wants to save our sanity.
Then, our puppy needs to go outside to potty, the kitties need to be fed, I forgot to get something from the store, the laundry needs to be put in the dryer, I need to brush my teeth, I realized I skipped lunch, there is dog and cat hair everywhere, and so on and so on.
On top of all of this, all the chaos…
Are the important things.
Baby boy eats at least 8 times daily. He sleeps on my chest (or with my breast in his mouth), and it’s so sweet. His cuddles make me never want to move. I’d rather starve than awaken him. Watching him sleep and smile in his sleep is the most precious thing. Ever. There are also days when we go for long walks, he’ll sleep in his swing for 30 minutes, or let his Papa hold him at night while I do laundry or write this blog.
I love how he needs me. When I shower or let someone else hold him, I miss him. I miss looking at his beautiful blue eyes or listening to him breathe. I miss the funny and insanely adorable ways in which he places his hands.
I am not complaining; I will never complain about this beautiful child. I share these truths so other new moms don’t feel discouraged or alone. Motherhood is challenging, but it’s my favorite thing. He is the sweetest thing in life. All the crazy moments, all the messiness, make it worth it just to have one second of bliss holding him.
Our baby is well fed, I am producing enough breastmilk to nourish him, he rests, has all the “required” diapers, loves being outside, and loves cuddling. These are the things that matter: his health and happiness.
We have those under control; everything else will just have to wait.
A real Mama,