I cannot believe my baby is half a year old! He seems so big, and has grown so much… but he’s still a baby. Thank God!
Babies are my favorite; infant age is my favorite phase but it has been much harder with my own child. I never expected being a mother would be simple, but with my experience, I expected it to be smoother. My little teacher, Lucca, has shown me so much about life, parenthood, and myself, and if it were all “easy,” there would be far less learning.
Lucca has reinforced the importance of being present, staying in the moment. I have a tendency to get overworked with all the chores that need to be done, and he has never liked to be set down or alone. So I sit with him (it took me a while to accept this and not worry about everything else constantly). Sometimes I do the laundry or stretch, but mainly I watch him explore. He is starting to scoot and almost sitting, and I am very excited to see him progress. I don’t want to miss a big moment! Before these bigger milestones, sitting with him, watching his thousand facial expressions, and noticing him play with his hands was nothing short of precious. Instead of getting frustrated because I don’t get much accomplished, most times I thoroughly enjoy letting him do what he wishes. I tell myself, “Everything else can wait.”
Lucca has also reminded me the importance of pranayama, breathing! When we do not sleep well, my temper is much shorter and I am not always my best self. Then, I look at him. His innocence, his perfection. And I am reminded to take three deep breaths. If I feel any anger, I take more breaths and remind myself, it is not his fault. I tell myself he and I are frustrated with the situation, not each other. When I bring awareness to my breath, any sort of pent up feelings are released, and I can be there for this angelic being.
One of the most beautiful things about Lucca, about babies, is their unconditional love. When I’m feeling like a failure, crying, or raise my voice, he still smiles at me and only wants me to comfort him. He forgives my shortcomings insanely fast and never holds them against me. He loves me all the time. Of course I love him more than he will ever know, but knowing his big love for me is amazingly magical. And this love makes harder times okay.
We have grown together. He doesn’t cry nearly as much and neither do I! We have learned each other’s rhythms, and I am more aware of the timeliness of his needs. Even though Lucca does not nap long, he sleeps pretty well at night. He despised tummy time for a while and now cannot roll over from his back fast enough. He’s now ticklish, almost crawling, scooting, just about sitting, talking all the time, and thinks his papa is hilarious. He’s observant, curious, beginning to be a little independent, and very funny. He smiles all the time.
The last 6 months have been more challenging and imperfect than I imagined but also more educational, wonderful, and entertaining than I deserve. I am getting better with my role, cleaning more, and practicing yoga a little daily in between our activities. Being a mommy is fun! And being a mommy to Lucca is priceless.
And, I’m even a little more put together 🙂